How to help an anxious teen: five tips on where to start
Define normal anxiety
We have all felt the uneasy feeling in our tummies, a raised heart rate or even sweaty hands before an exam. This is usually healthy anxiety and it is there for a reason. It is entirely normal to worry before a test, a quiz or even a presentation or job interview. Talk about this with your kids and tell them how you have dealt with it in the past and how you destress now. For example before I left the house for my exams I blasted Whitney Housten and danced like crazy.
Put things into perspective
As we normalize anxiety, we need to put things into perspective. Anxiety is only dangerous when it occurs without threat. Tell your teen to ask themselves if there is a threat. For example, will you be kicked out of school if you flunk? If the answer is yes, there is a threat, and you would be expected to feel very anxious. Is your child a straight-A student and worried about getting an A-? Well, there is no threat, so you need to put that into perspective with them.
Focus on helping others rather than focusing on oneself
Did you know helping others is not only a wonderful distraction but also helps you feel less anxious? There are all kinds of things you can do to help others. You can get your teen involved in a charity, but there are even things closer to home that can help. Having friends is important to most teenagers but sometimes they forget to be active listeners to their closest friends. They might also focus only on themselves and forget to take their classmates into consideration. Guide them towards being a helpful friend and classmate. When you focus on helping others, you get your mind off of your own issues.
Learn to deep work or deep distract
We hardly ever get into the flow these days. Deep work is almost non-existent. We text while watching tv, we are on our phone while walking the dog and we might even text or do the dishes while watching a webinar. Our teens do the same and are constantly checking their phones. Please help them learn to deep work or deep distract. “Deep distract” means you should engage fully in what you are doing, even if it is a distraction. For example watch a movie but concentrate on the movie with no distractions.
Ask yourself how your parent anxiety is doing
How nervous are you? If you are worried about your child's schoolwork or future, they will feel that. Anxious parents are more likely to have anxious kids, so make sure you take care of yourself and follow the steps outlined above. Chances are that if you talk about this, it will help your children as well.
If you have any suggestions or things that work for you, send me a message, I would love to hear from you.
–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife
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