Should I let my child use TikTok?

Last year a mother called me wondering if she should let her 4th grader download TikTok. She was ready to allow it. "What's the harm in dancing with your friends and making silly videos? It is creative, right?" She is right about that. Silly videos and dancing are lots of fun. 

When it comes to TikTok, however, I would issue a strong warning. This app, which has been downloaded 2.6 billion times, is overwhelming households and causing parents concern and, rightly so. 

In the following section you will find some questions parents have often asked me about TikTok. The answers may help you in making your parental choice.

What is the age limit for TikTok?

TikTok has set the age limit at 13, but Common Sense Media feels the right age is 15. This age limit was selected because of privacy issues, violent, sexual, and inappropriate content. 

I often hear the argument, "TikTok has updated its privacy and set up parental controls. Doesn't that make it safe?”

No! It is true that TikTok now has parental controls for children. Children who use TikTok with parental controls often find this update too restrictive and boring: no one can comment, and they can not search. For this reason these children quickly learn through friends that if they go into the settings and change their date of birth, they will then have complete access to TikTok. 

But, that 2021 update solved many problems, right?

Yes, some problems were solved with that update. Now anyone under the age of 15 will be forced to use a private account. Another addition to the 2021 update is that the videos of anyone under 16 cannot be downloaded. These downloaded videos have been used in harmful ways, transformed and spread. This is good news but does not solve all of the problems. 

Does TikTok collect data?

Yes, it does. My father used to say that if someone tells you something is for free, they are lying and you should look again. As with many of these apps, the answer is we pay with our information. Just see what TikTok says:

"We share your data with our third-party service providers we rely on to help provide you with the Platform. These providers include cloud storage providers and other IT service providers. We also share your information with our business partners, advertisers, analytics, and search engine providers…"

Forbes reported that TikTok has access to your clipboard. This means they will have access to anything you copy and paste. This should concern you. 

Should I worry about suggestive and violent content?

Yes! In every group of children or teens I have worked with over the last year, I have heard about suicide videos, inappropriate videos, and videos of people harming animals or even themselves. Some of the thumbnails to these violent videos were of kittens and puppies, and all who had seen the suicide videos said it was horrific. When I asked these children, some of them as young as 9 or 10, if they had told their parents, the answer was a clear NO. They said their parents did not understand TikTok and would either remove the app or take their phones away. To make it short, they did not want to get into trouble for stumbling onto inappropriate content. 

But, TikTok has a setting for Digital Wellbeing  and parental controls, so it should be fine, right?

No, things slip through the cracks, they are tagged and thumbnailed incorrectly, and often your children are even targeted with inappropriate content.

If you choose to use the app, please use the parental settings but be aware that your child will undoubtedly end up seeing inappropriate content, which could be harmful for their mental health. 

So, what should I do?

My advice is to not download TikTok on your child's phone. A compromise with your child could be that a parent downloads the app on their phone. Any videos could be made together as a special treat, and you could take time to watch videos together. For older children or teens, I would suggest that you make sure your lines of communication are open and you regularly discuss with them what they see and experience in their online spaces. 

Every family has to come to their own conclusions. I don't have a problem with a fun Christmas video or some family fun on TikTok, but it ends there. Many professionals agree with me that children should not be left alone with this app and it should not be downloaded on children’s phones.

The mother I mentioned at the beginning of this post was insistent. I am not sure what she did in the end. Her frustration was palpable, and I understand. I think we all feel this frustration when it comes to managing our children and their devices.

–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife

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