Small Shifts, Big Impact: The Benefits of Simply Putting Your Phone Down
As usual, I recently sat talking about phone use with a group of kids. I often ask them how it feels when they're at a friend's house, and the friend ignores them because they're too busy playing video games. Almost every hand shoots up. The kids say things like:
“This is bad friend behavior.”
”I hate it when this happens.”
But then I asked about their parents. Do they ever experience this with mom and dad? I had the kids write a note to their parents, and you might need a tissue—because I sure did when I read their messages.
“I wish my dad would stop looking at the news on his phone at breakfast and talk to me.”
“I wish my parents would stop looking at their phones and play with us.”
“I wish my dad would stop using his phone so much and listen to me when I want to talk.
”Dear Mommy and Daddy, thank you for not using your screens as much as I do. But Daddy, can you stop watching football at dinner?”
”I would like my dad to stop looking at his phone on the toilet forever and spend more time cooking or playing with me.”
My goal isn't to make you feel bad or guilty—trust me, I've been there too. My kids are grown now, but I still get distracted when they call me while I'm working. I start going, "Mhmm, yeah, sure," and they stop me: "Mom, snap out of it—talk to me or hang up!" What I do to stop myself is shut my computer and move to the window to talk to them. If I don't physically remove myself, I struggle, and my relationship with my kids suffers. So, if it's your phone, silence it and put it away.
This isn't just my opinion—research backs this up. Studies have shown that "parental phubbing" (ignoring your child because of your phone) is associated with
- Increased emotional and behavioral problems in children
- Reduced quality of parent-child relationships
- Negative impacts on children's social-emotional competence
Moments of play with your child aren't just about them entertaining themselves. These are prime opportunities for connection and growth, with lasting benefits for both your child's development and your relationship. In short, putting the phone down will help you:
1. Strengthen your bond with your child
2. Support their emotional development
3. Encourage better behavior
I know it's tempting—and hard—but next time you're in the playroom, resist the urge to scroll. Instead, watch, interact, and enjoy these precious moments. Your undivided attention is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. It's more valuable than anything money can buy.
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–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife
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References:
[1] https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-024-01620-0
[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9779429/
[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10591670/
[4] https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1157209/full
[5] https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.963492/full
[6] https://cogepderg.com/articles/negative-reflections-of-parental-phubbing-in-adolescents-a-systematic-review/doi/tjcamh.galenos.2022.05925
[7] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1041608022001388