Offline Oasis: Why Teens Need non-digital Third Spaces
When I was a teen, I had many spaces to hang out in with my friends. I had church groups, school groups, and my summer job, and I even had a neighborhood club with some friends for a while. We had built a fort in some bushes behind some trees and would sit and talk - no stress, no adults, no agenda - we just were. I think some of my brothers found this same space with their Dungeons & Dragons campaign. They were not just playing - they were experiencing a space where they had no pressure or expectations, and anyone who wanted to play was welcome. These spaces I am describing can be called third spaces. We need third spaces to thrive.
So what are the other two spaces?
The concept of a third place is based on the existence of three distinct social spaces within which individuals function. The first space is easy to define: it’s home. Home should be a teen's sanctuary and place of upbringing, where our family values are imparted in a kind and loving space. This space was incredibly important to me. I remember relishing the feeling of coming home from school and being able to curl up in my bedroom to forget about all the challenges of the day. However, teens today have difficulty finding this feeling. With technology, school and friends are invited into our first spaces.
For teens school is the second space. In general, our second space is the place we work. For students, this is school. Still, now, home and school overlap with never-ending tasks from educational platforms, constantly open lines of communication between home and school, student and teacher.
This brings us to the concept of the 'third space.' It has always been essential, but as screens overwhelm our lives, the third space becomes a place to escape from not just familial or social pressures but digital ones as well.
Where did this term ‘third space’ come from?
Ray Oldenburg, a sociologist, coined this term in 1989 when he researched and discussed the importance of these three separate spaces. The third space is an informal public space separate from our home (first space) and work or school (second space). These third places are neutral grounds where individuals gather, communicate, and build relationships on their own terms, away from institutionalized settings' pressures.
Can’t the online space be my third space?!
The answer is, unfortunately, no. Many teens might believe this and are indeed treating their digital worlds as their third space. But digital platforms cannot replace the essence of shared physical experiences, spontaneous encounters, and sensory engagement with the environment. Further, digital networks are so integrated with our first and second spaces that using them as third space can’t provide a true escape. The real-world social nuances, non-verbal communications, and unscripted personal exchanges in physical third spaces are crucial to developing social intelligence, empathy, and identity formation.
There’s a difficult aspect to this: sometimes, online spaces are a way for teens to access communities that they can’t locally. Unfortunately, we have a long way to go in making in-person spaces safe for everyone. But in pushing marginalized teens online, we’re actually making them do the work of carving out safe third spaces for themselves instead of creating them in person. We’re taking a shortcut: by ignoring the fact that we need inclusive third spaces in real life for everyone, by not having the hard conversations about inclusivity and awareness, and by saying it’s okay for some teens to get in-person resources, adequate information, and digital citizenship advocacy while others have to find what they can online, we’re not treating everyone equally. We need to create safe, age-appropriate, and relevant third spaces in-person for everyone. Our work isn’t done until we can ensure this for all of our teens.
How can we get our youth involved in third spaces?
The value of physical third spaces in teen lives mandates a communal effort. Here are steps communities might consider:
1. Revitalizing Public Spaces: Local authorities and community leaders could prioritize creating appealing, safe, and accessible locales, and supporting youth clubs, sports leagues, and art centers. I loved a roller rink, a dollar cinema full of teens who could afford a movie for a dollar, and my public library. We need spaces which are financially, physically, and emotionally accessible and inclusive.
2. Promoting Engagement: Schools, parents, and caregivers should encourage teens' participation in community activities, respecting their autonomy in these third spaces. We also have to do the hard work of making these spaces safe for everyone, including teens with marginalized identities. We have to take teens’ autonomy seriously while still providing a way for teens to raise concerns and discuss any toxic cultures which may arise in these third spaces.
3. Integrating Technology Mindfully: Physical third spaces should integrate digital conveniences, but only as a complement to make these spaces maximally functional, rather than by totally replacing their essence.
International schools and boarding schools face a unique challenge in cultivating third spaces, often needing a robust system of clubs and community exchange programs tailored to their specific context.
What else can we do?
As digital elements increasingly interweave into our lives, maintaining the distinction between these spaces becomes paramount. Here's some guidance for maintaining this balance:
For Parents:
As my children were teens, I tried to give them a sacred home space by not allowing screens in their rooms. My son would put vinyl on, lay on his bed, and let the music soothe the day away; one of my daughters would enter the kitchen and bake, and the other did sports. Here are some tips to help you create this space in your own home:
Allow the school to be a separate space by not interrupting your children during their school day. This space is theirs and the teachers and educators at school have this covered. Trust them.
Help your children create a special home space by ensuring screen-free times and zones, especially in their bedrooms.
Make sure your children put their devices to bed and make sure you turn it all off as well. Lead by example!
Guide your children toward physical third spaces and discuss their importance with them.
Remember that you, too, need a third space. My personal journey has taken me from book clubs to yoga studios to piano classes, each offering a unique kind of solace and growth.
For Schools:
Recently, I talked to fellow educators about setting a good example while using tech. From the looks on their faces, my words were not well-received. I thought a lot about this short interaction and realized these teachers didn't feel they had separation between these three spaces for themselves. Teachers' and parents' lines are often blurred, and we can feel overwhelmed with work and tasks that often cross over into their private lives, downtime, and much needed private space. I felt terrible that they felt misunderstood, and in essence, this encounter sparked a lot of thought about how we all need a rethink about how we create our spaces.
I know that we sometimes hide behind screens to avoid things., I am also guilty of this. Sometimes we use the excuse… “I am being productive.” While walking between classes and sending an email might feel like a task done, but taking a deep breath and noticing those around you in real life is also an important task we must never avoid. Here are some tips to create a healthy culture in your school:
Refrain from sending emails or tasks after hours, respecting the distinct spaces in students' and staff's lives.
For international schools, create opportunities for third spaces through clubs, community engagement, and exchanges with other schools.
Remind students of the various third spaces in your community through flyers and conversations.
For Teens:
I had a conversation with an influencer recently who had a mental breakdown. She expressed that one of the main issues was the overwhelming lack of separation in her life. If you are a teen and you read this, ask yourself if you have downtime, if you have a physical third space, and if you can disconnect from social media to create these spaces.
With the autonomy afforded by in-person third spaces also comes responsibility. Don’t let your third spaces become as toxic as some online communities can be. Advocate for each other and don’t let the marginalized among you be driven online. Everyone deserves this respite from the stresses of digital life. I have faith in your activism.
As you prepare to try new things, remember stepping out of your comfort zone is how you grow. I remember being scared to be alone, I still feel that way at times. Everyone else is probably feeling scared and lonely too so remind yourself of this as you venture out.
Where could you go:
Local Libraries - sometimes they have amazing coffees, and I have always found librarians particularly helpful. It doesn’t have to be too academic, either! Reading fashion and home decor magazines was something I loved to do at the local library with a friend–it’s also a good place to decompress if you need a quieter third space, and is often a meeting place for other types of third-space groups. Ask your local librarian about any clubs they hold there.Sports Clubs - You don’t need to excel to do sports - it is about physical activity, being outdoors, and having a third space with others trying to do the same.
Religious groups - If you follow a religion,this is a logical place to start. Many religious groups have youth organizations where you can meet other young people of your faith. Check out a multi-faith youth group if you’re looking to learn more about other cultures, too. If they don’t have something you like, try suggesting and starting your own group.
Groups for arts and crafts - Your school would possibly have multiple groups like this, but I am sure in your community you might find one. This is also a way to get involved in a multigenerational third space, creating new types of conversations and finding mentors. Charity - Do something kind for those around you. This could also be getting involved in an activist group and volunteering your time.
What happens when we get this right?
Physical third spaces provide an environment for risk-taking, tension release, and organic socialization that is not only necessary but vital for the holistic development of an adolescent. In one school I work with regularly, we do digital detox life skills weekends. The separation of spaces is clear, and the outcome is magical. I wish everyone had the experience to see what I see when I get these teens away from their screens and socializing organically. One recent experience felt like I was in Pitch Perfect when the bus had a spontaneous, student-led riff-off. I will never forget the feeling of joy and music on that bus, nor will they. It would have never happened had they had their screens.
Tech is great, but the balance and separation between these realms pave the way for resilient, capable adults ready for the world's multifaceted challenges. We just need to define the spaces and give them space to be the adolescents that they are, with no strings attached.
On that note, I just called a friend to pop out and have a drink and a conversation without tech—spontaneous, no agenda for our conversation–it was bliss.
–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife
–Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash
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