Teaching my child how to use social media

Just last night, I was talking to a group of parents. Most parents were frustrated and felt alone in dealing with social media. As you read through this, please know that you are not alone. We are all struggling!

Below you will find an excerpt of Would I have sexted back in the 80s?

“My daughter is posting pictures that are very sexy. I feel uncomfortable. What should I do? Do I forbid it? She might just create another account.”

“My son follows all kinds of groups that worry me. If I talked to him about it, he would tell me I don’t get it.”

“My daughter told me I wasn’t allowed to follow her. She has blocked me. I don’t know what she is doing.”

“I saw a post of some of the kids at a party. What were they thinking? Posting pictures of them drinking underage.”

“Selfies, constant selfies, it drives me crazy.”

“We can’t even sit down for a meal at a restaurant without pictures being taken of the food. It’s like she lives through the lens and not in real life.”

We know these worries are real and we understand how hard this is for parents to tackle. We have a few suggestions to help you as your child starts using social media.

It is important to understand that these are ongoing conversations, not a one off. Even older teens need this kind of guidance and quite frankly boundaries. 

The best way you can help your child is to have these conversations with them, always keeping the lines of communication open. Here is our list of what you can do.

What to do?

Follow your child on all social media accounts

Be friends with your child or follow them on everything they have. Keep up to date with what the new fad is in social media and download it. It isn’t a question of whether you can or not. You demand to be their friend. Make strict rules that if you can’t follow them, they can’t be on it.

There are rules for you too

Do not comment on their wall, post pictures of them, or ’like’ their pictures without knowing your limits. You have boundaries for them, but they will certainly have boundaries for you and you don’t want to embarrass them. They are socializing here. You can be present, silently observing, but you need to give them space. Commenting should be done with their permission, privately or at home in person. If you post “Who is the cute boy?” on their wall or newsfeed, you will torture them and humiliate them in front of their entire online community, which could be hundreds of teens.

Define what you find appropriate

No one else can say what is right or wrong; that is your job. Talk to your child about your family values, what you think is inappropriate to post, what kind of language you expect from them, and for whom they are posting (is it public or for friends, who are their friends?). Every family will have differences depending on their culture and religion, but it is paramount to have a discussion with your children to clearly define the boundaries.

Spend time looking at pictures with them

Sit on the couch and discuss branding, what image on social media different kids are giving off to you vs. your child’s opinions. Laugh, discuss, and critique pictures, not to be mean but to teach them your perception of what is portrayed. As you critique them, be sure to use kind language, and make sure that you yourself are not acting like teens, slut-shaming or bullying others; you’re only expressing your perspective.

Spend time reading comments with them

Do this on YouTube, Instagram, WhatsApp, and on any social media you have. Learn their emoji language and ask them to explain why these comments are necessary. Talk to them about how they would feel if someone was masturbating to their pictures. For example, how would they feel about this?  “I’m going to try to 🍆💦 to your Instagram in a minute.” This was an actual message shown to me. These emojis together mean ejaculate. The girl who received it and shared it with me did not like [AY2] this message at all. At age thirteen, she did not share it with her parents, but she needed someone to talk to about it. Luckily for her, her school was progressive and not only brought experts in, but also gave the kids the feeling they were there to talk about just this kind of messaging and how to deal with it.

Postscript

Now that you have read this expert, I would like you to know that I am aware that no two families are the same. Culture, religion, professions, and even our children's personalities might dictate our decisions. However, it is essential for you to think of your family and your specific context and needs. Take some time, sit down with your partner, and if you are single, with a friend, and plan a meeting with your family. Feel free to use my free guide to help you.

Good luck! 

–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife

Photo by Unsplash

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