Dealing with embarrassment - a lesson to teach your children
Dealing with embarrassment - a lesson to teach your children
“What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you, miss?” On weekend retreats and while working with smaller groups of children and teens, I am repeatedly asked this question. I always know exactly what story to tell, admitting to the students it’s really bad and asking whether they really want to know. They are bursting with excitement: “Please tell us!”
It was in the summer of 1986. I was a lifeguard at a posh country club. There was a group of college boys who thought I was cute and I thought they were cute too. At the end of the day I was closing the pool and the boys were having drinks on the terrace. They walked over to the fence, “Can we buy you a drink? What’s your name?” We chatted while I finished cleaning. I always dove in at the end of the day. It was hot out and after stacking chairs and cleaning, it was a great refreshment before going home. “Are you going to do your traditional last dive of the day? “ I smiled, walked up the board and took a three-step hop-jump dive into the pool. It was a beautifully executed pike dive. When I surfaced, the boys were clapping. The flirting and showing off was working. As I gracefully pulled myself out of the pool, a weird look crossed their faces. They were almost laughing but not quite. I smiled. “Umm, you have a huge booger across your entire face.” I felt like I was going to die then and there. Embarrassed, I reacted coolly, turning heel and diving back in the pool to swim a lap and surface without nose gunk.
The teens in the classroom are squealing with laughter and delight. I continue to tell about other moments, how I felt and how I overcame the situations. The original question they asked was because they have experienced something embarrassing, they feel bad, maybe even anxious, and need to know they are not alone. Could the teens make fun of me? Possibly, but I never stop at that one story.
There are a few things to remember when thinking about embarrassment.
It has already happened so you have no choice but to live with it.
Easy to say but hard to do. One thing is for sure. If you are embarrassed, it is because something has happened and it is over. This means you will have to find a way to live with it.
Talk about it and ask others about their embarrassing situations.
Trust me, you are not alone. All of us have been embarrassed during our lifetime. I freely tell students age-appropriate stories but I find solace in my family and friends. We share, laugh and talk about how we felt like idiots. Yes, it happens to all of us.
Be authentic, be you, be your best self
It’s good to be different and authentic but you also need to be your best self. Being your best self means standing up straight when you have been embarrassed and owning whatever has happened. If you dare to be authentic, yourself, and honest, you might face more embarrassment than those who hide behind facades. The fulfilment you feel when you dare to be your best self will be worth a few embarrassing moments.
Use humor and get back out there
Those boys I talked about in the booger incident continued to flirt with me. I could have run away. Whatever happens, just carry on, because we have all been there. I have been told I am not the most humorous person. Practicing making fun of my own blunders is important. If you don’t do it, you should try.
Its okay to fall over, just get back up
My husband calls me a German term, “Stehaufmensch”, which means a stand-up man, a person who just keeps getting back up. When I fall down, get embarrassed or even fail. I figure out what went wrong, get back up and carry on. I am not perfect and neither are you. It is okay to make mistakes. Learn from them.
Whether writing for teens or children, I embed messages into my stories. Those who have met Oscar and Zoe will know that their adventures are full of mishaps and learning. My message to you today: go share some embarrassing stories and have a laugh. You will not only be helping yourself but also those around you. From telling stories about shaving half of my hair off at age 15 to dancing wildly as a 49-year-old at a festival (to the horror of my 16-year-old child), I strive to set an example and be my best self. This also means I forgive those who laugh at me and even those who have been unkind. I know I am not perfect, but none of us are. And that’s a lesson we all need to be reminded of.
–Allison Ochs, Social Pedagogue/Worker, Author, Expat, Mother of three, Wife
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