Parents often tell me their kids can’t resist video games or feel the "need" to check Snapchat daily to keep up streaks. Others find them stuck on TikTok, YouTube, or Netflix, unable to turn it off. If this sounds familiar, it’s not entirely their fault. Many adults fall into the same traps. If we struggle to resist, how can we expect our kids to?

There are reasons why it’s hard to pull away from these platforms, as shown in The Social Dilemma or Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation. This post outlines what we’re up against

What Hooks Your Child

1. Easy Decision-Making  

Kids recognize infinite scroll and autoplay, but they don’t yet grasp what they miss by staying engaged. Discussing opportunity costs can help—ask them what they might be missing out on instead.

2. Rewards and Dopamine Hits  

Children thrive on structure and rewards. Games leverage rewards—stars, diamonds, badges—to trigger dopamine, which feels good and leaves them wanting more.

3. Loot Boxes and Gambling

Many games use loot boxes (chests with random rewards), which resemble gambling. Kids use game currency to “win” prizes, learning early gambling habits that can become addictive.

4. Streaks and the Obsession  

Apps like Snapchat and even DuoLingo hook kids with streaks. Some pay to restore streaks after missing a day, showing how deeply invested they are. This reinforces problematic phone use.

5. Reputation and Social Credibility

In games, children often do things they cannot do in real life. They can jump over cars and get a credibility they might struggle to find at school. On top of that, there are the likes and follows they might get on social media.   

Teens often say they “don’t care” about likes or followers, but they reference them constantly as credibility measures. I saw an assembly where the presenter had his number of followers on the first slide and asked to be followed on the last slide. He was using this to show his expertise. I was horrified to see the lack of questioning behind this method, possibly because we have become so attuned to it. This same pressure exists in games, too, with leaderboards that impact kids who aren’t ranking well. This has proven to be harmful to those who don't score well.

6. Loneliness and the Promise of Connection  

Many claim social media keeps kids “connected.” But while children are lonelier, these online “connections” can’t replace real-life interactions. Industries capitalize on this loneliness, promoting a false sense of connection. Some kids, in their search for companionship, are even turning to AI apps like Character.ai and Nomi.ai. While these may seem to offer friendship, they often deepen isolation. Encouraging real-life interactions helps children build meaningful connections that digital spaces can’t replace.

These hooks are powerful, and understanding them is the first step. By recognizing the mechanics at play—easy decision-making, reward systems, gambling tactics, streaks, reputation metrics, and the promise of connection—we can better appreciate children's challenges. 

If you find it difficult to explain these concepts to your child, try watching resources like The Social Dilemma together or explore short videos that break down topics like infinite scroll and dopamine triggers in kid-friendly terms. A shared understanding can make it easier to have conversations that help kids see how they’re being drawn in, empowering them to make balanced choices while finding real-world connections.

If you like my blog posts, please subscribe to my newsletter and spread the word. You could also buy me a virtual coffee–our team would appreciate the support.

–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife

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