In today's digital world, many parents find it challenging to connect with their children, especially when screens and games seem to dominate so much of their time. But one of the most powerful ways to connect is surprisingly simple: play a game with your child.

Recently, my 84-year-old mother was recovering from hip surgery. She had been feeling lonely after my dad passed, and, because her mobility was reduced, there wasn't much to talk about—she was just at home. But we still found a way to connect and share some fun, even with me living on a different continent: we played games together. Okay, yes: they were word games like CrossWords and Wordle, but we were still connecting, laughing, and creating a shared experience.

The same is true with your child and video games. By stepping into their world, you create moments of connection and conversation. You'll not only understand the games they love but also the bigger picture: how gaming fits into their life and what emotional needs it fulfills. Most importantly, you're building a common narrative—a shared experience that strengthens your bond.

It doesn't have to be for long, and you don't need to be good at it. The goal isn't to win—it's to understand. By stepping into their world, even for a short time, you'll learn more about what they enjoy, what frustrates them, and why gaming is such a big part of their life. More importantly, you'll show your child that you're genuinely interested in what matters to them.

Here's what happens when you take the time to play:

It breaks down barriers: Instead of criticizing or limiting gaming time, you're showing curiosity and engagement. This opens the door for better conversations about gaming habits.

You gain insight: By playing together, you'll notice things you wouldn't from the outside—whether it's the storyline, the competition, or the social aspect that draws your child in. This insight will help you better understand their needs and how gaming fits into their life.

You build trust and a common narrative: When kids see that you're willing to step into their world, they're more likely to come to you when in trouble and trust you with conversations about boundaries and balance later on.

How to Get Started: It's Not About Being Good

One of the biggest hesitations parents often express is, "I'm terrible at gaming." But here's the secret: your child doesn't care how good you are. In fact, they might enjoy teaching you how to play. Laughing together, watching you fumble through the controls, or teaming up on a game can create a shared experience that goes beyond the game itself.

The goal isn't mastery—it's connection. By playing, you're signaling that you respect what they love, even if it's not your thing.

Pick the right game: Let your child choose a game they enjoy. It could be something simple like Mario Kart or more involved like Minecraft (My personal favorite to play with my son is the PS4 Spiderman game). The key is to let them be the guide.

Ask questions: While playing, ask them what they like about the game. Is it the challenge? The graphics? The story? These conversations can provide you with insight into what keeps them engaged.

Set a time: Even 15-20 minutes is enough. The point is to spend time together, not to play for hours on end. Short bursts of shared playtime can go a long way.

Stay curious: Approach it as a fun learning opportunity, not a task. Be open to discovering what makes this activity meaningful to your child.

What Happens Next?

By playing a game with your child, you've already taken a huge step toward understanding their gaming habits. You're creating a foundation of trust and showing that you care about what they care about. Resist the urge to resume the conversation about gaming habits and screen time immediately: for now, focus on connecting, having fun, and learning from each other.

After a few sessions, you’ll have better insight into their landscape. You might notice new opportunities to have conversations about balance, screen time, or other important issues. 

Gaming doesn't have to be a wedge between you and your child. It can be a bridge—a way to connect, communicate, and understand them better. Check out this post on the emotional needs fulfilled by gaming if you want a framework before you dive in.

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–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife

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