As usual, I recently sat talking about phone use with a group of kids. I often ask them how it feels when they're at a friend's house, and the friend ignores them because they're too busy playing video games. Almost every hand shoots up. The kids say things like:

But then I asked about their parents. Do they ever experience this with mom and dad? I had the kids write a note to their parents, and you might need a tissue—because I sure did when I read their messages.

My goal isn't to make you feel bad or guilty—trust me, I've been there too. My kids are grown now, but I still get distracted when they call me while I'm working. I start going, "Mhmm, yeah, sure," and they stop me: "Mom, snap out of it—talk to me or hang up!" What I do to stop myself is shut my computer and move to the window to talk to them. If I don't physically remove myself, I struggle, and my relationship with my kids suffers. So, if it's your phone, silence it and put it away.

This isn't just my opinion—research backs this up. Studies have shown that "parental phubbing" (ignoring your child because of your phone) is associated with

- Increased emotional and behavioral problems in children

- Reduced quality of parent-child relationships

- Negative impacts on children's social-emotional competence

Moments of play with your child aren't just about them entertaining themselves. These are prime opportunities for connection and growth, with lasting benefits for both your child's development and your relationship. In short, putting the phone down will help you:

1. Strengthen your bond with your child

2. Support their emotional development

3. Encourage better behavior

I know it's tempting—and hard—but next time you're in the playroom, resist the urge to scroll. Instead, watch, interact, and enjoy these precious moments. Your undivided attention is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. It's more valuable than anything money can buy.

If you like my blog posts, please subscribe to my newsletter and spread the word. You could also buy me a virtual coffee–our team would appreciate the support.

–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife

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References:

[1] https://bmcpsychology.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40359-024-01620-0

[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9779429/

[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10591670/

[4] https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1157209/full

[5] https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.963492/full

[6] https://cogepderg.com/articles/negative-reflections-of-parental-phubbing-in-adolescents-a-systematic-review/doi/tjcamh.galenos.2022.05925

[7] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1041608022001388