Recently I was working with a school and hosted a parent evening. The room was packed with eager parents, all wanting to know how to protect their children.

Usually, when hosting these evenings, I am asked to highlight dangers, make parents aware of what is going on, and give them tools. But this time I was asked a question I felt should be shared on a larger scale.

“Could you tell me what kids actually need in today's world?“

Most people think the answer must have changed due to technology - but it has not. Our response must change, but the basic needs of our kids remain the same.

Let's take a look:

Security - Children need to feel safe and have their fundamental needs met: a roof over their heads, food, a place to sleep, medical care, and protection and dangers. You will find this in Maslow's pyramid.

You would think that in most societies these basic needs are met, yet they are not. Children are now often left unprotected from dangers in their bedrooms. Their screens often glow late into the night as they talk to friends and foes, scroll videos, and possibly visit worrying sites.

Stability - Stability comes from family but also the community children live in. Schools are hugely important in providing children with stability and a sense of belonging, and can help children who are struggling at home by being a secondary pillar of support.

Children need friends. Some youth find communities online. They would never say they lack community due to these online communities but at the same time I hear the complaints,  “I feel lonely” and “no one understands me”,  from an alarmingly high number of students. When diving into this, I have noticed that this could be solved by increasing time well spent with others, without the presence of screens.

We need to think of how we can help our children feel a sense of community where they live. I am not against online communities, but we need communities in our proximity as well.

Consistency - This is where rules come into play. Children need and want rules. It is our job and responsibility to set clear boundaries. Once these boundaries are established, we need to be consistent. Without consistency, children are lost, not understanding the why behind punishments and rules.

Emotional support - This means tucking our children into bed at night, listening to them, and helping them with their homework. I know you know this, but let me remind you: sometimes as adults, we are so sucked into our work that we forget for a moment to look up, close our devices, and possibly cuddle with our children. This blog post is your reminder — teens like being tucked in too. Don't forget to give them a little kiss on your way to bed. Who knows, you might end up staying for a while.

Love - This means telling your children and showing them you love them every day. They need to hear those three magical words. I love you!

Education - A parent's job is to make sure their children go to school rested and prepared but also to teach them valuable life skills at home. School is there to take on their formal education and make sure the school remains a safe environment for all children.

Positive role models - Ask yourself what kind of example you are setting and what you can do to help others by leading by example.

Structure - I joke sometimes about daily routines you readily find on YouTube, but there is a reason they are popular. We need routines. Your kids need to understand what will happen and what to expect during the day. What time is lunch? When do I do homework? What time are devices used? etc. Your rules will help you achieve structure for your child. 

It looks easy; it is, in essence, basic common sense. Sometimes the things that look the most straightforward can be quite challenging. Here are some questions you should be asking yourself to help you achieve these things for your students/children.

Questions for Schools:

• Are your teachers setting a good example?

• Do teachers close their computers when a student needs their attention?

• Are the phones of the teachers tucked away in the classroom as well?

• Do parents understand how much homework their child has?

• Are you hosting parent evenings and discussions about student well-being?

• Do you have enough extracurricular activities?

• Do you give students space to connect without devices during the school day? Phones during the lunch break can be a huge problem for an isolated child, isolating them even more. I do not advise phones at school.

• Do you have enough staff trained in social-emotional teaching?

Questions for Parents:

• Do you set an example with your device use?

• Do you eat meals without screens?

• Do you take time to do fun things outside the home with your children?

• Do you spend enough time talking with your children?

• Do you encourage get-togethers? 

• Do you have clear rules around device use?

• Do you ensure your children sleep enough and keep those phones out of the bedrooms?

• Do you give them a routine at home?

• Do you tuck them in at night?

• Do you say I LOVE YOU?

Children need our time. Let's give them the time they deserve, and tackle this together.

–Allison Ochs, social pedagogue/worker, author, mother of three, wife

Photo by Unsplash

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