When I Bullied Back

Many years ago my eldest daughter was bullied by a teacher. Yes, you heard me right.... bullied by a teacher. I am a social worker; I was working in a school, I counsel and so you would think that I would have handled the situation correctly. Wrong!  There is one simple reason why; I was a mother in this situation, not a social worker. I was blindsided by my feelings and emotions. I did not want to admit that maybe I didn't see the full picture. I was crusading ahead on a plight to help my daughter. 

Two weeks ago I read an article in the New York Times called "When Mothers Bully Back." As I read, I felt Susan Perabo was speaking to my soul.

Who hasn't felt like they wanted to bully back when their child is hurt? Be honest, don't you feel like you want to get back at the culprit? 

I know I had the meanest thoughts towards that teacher. My eldest daughter is just about to graduate with her bachelor's degree. This episode happened when she was in the 5th and 6th grade and to this day I still think about it. I have thought of sending that teacher her Universtiy grades and achievements.  What a childish idea, however, yes, it has crossed my mind.....this lady told my daughter she wasn't capable on a daily basis, she crushed her soul, and it was work to put it back together.

This year a different issue has arisen, this time I'm a few years older, a more experienced Mom and I've made my fair share of mistakes. I still have that instinct to bully back; I still have the emotions, but I am more able to remove myself. I take a deep breath and a step back and yes, I try to sleep before reacting. 

If you have mean thoughts if you want to bully back, read the article from the New York Times and know that you are normal! You aren't a bad mom, and yes, this too will pass.

—Allison Ochs Social Worker M.S.W. , Coach, Expat, Mother of three, Wife